WedNESday #14


The bane of many childhoods can often torment and ridicule a child as his frustration grows to an immeasurable level. Red ringed eyes, furrowed brows, and a shaking grip on a controller were the fruits of my labor with today’s WedNESday. A game so frustrating that I used to pray to God to help me beat the level I was on, a game so blood boiling that I would scream and punch my pillow after every failed attempt, and a game so fun that I couldn’t help but embrace the masochist within me.

Battletoads on NES is one of the circles of hell described in the Inferno portion of the Divine Comedy. This would also mark my first experience with BDSM. Thanks, Rare?

The plot is pretty straightforward; toad dude Pimple is traveling the galaxy with princess Angelica, Rick and Morty style when all of the sudden they are kidnapped by a dominatrix dressed woman and her two subs. It’s now up to Rash and Zitz to ‘John Wick’ the universe to save their brother and their brother’s Peach.

The Battletoads play a lot like heavyweight MMA fighters as they punch, kick, and shoulder tackle enemies. Some enemies drop items that can be used, there are vehicles like things to ride, and you can use your tongue to attack. In other words, a typical Thanksgiving dinner at my house. No, seriously. I’ve seen horrors… still recovering from last year.

Your character controls well and the game always ran smooth and combat always felt fluid. I also remember the enemies looking really cool and enjoying fighting them. The game also has it all, you’ll lower down and swing like Spider-Man on acid and the very next moment you’re driving a hover vehicle in a way that makes Star Wars pod racing look like amateur hour.

Battletoads on NES is a great game with nice gameplay and sweet graphics. A wonderful time. It is also the most infuriating game on NES and there were many times it made me want to drill my head through the television screen. Thanks, Rare?

The game is hard. You want to talk about earning the victory in a video game, play Battletoads. I can vividly remember the frustrations subjected into me because of this game.

Precision and patience are the names of the game and the keys to your success, but as a child who lacked both, this was definitely the worse game to play and learn these critical life skills. I’m the type of person that if there is a challenge before me, I will do everything I can to accomplish it. You tell me ‘no’, and I’ll turn it into a ‘yes’. This mentality nearly destroyed me because of how difficult the game was for me and my refusal to take a ‘no’ for an answer. I can’t tell you how long I stayed stuck in the stupid snake maze or whatever it was. I got so focused on the game that when I was in school, I could play through everything up to that point in my head and analyze how to go past that part. It was so bad that my grandfather made me turn off the game at one point because of how intense I was getting. In the end, however, I accomplished it.

Unfortunately, you get the most unsatisfying ending possible. It’s certainly nothing comparable to the struggles you pushed through to achieve it. I tucked the game away and vowed to never play it again; I promised to never play a Battletoads game again. Till this day, I haven’t played this game since. I value my fragile sanity as it is.

The game is full of personality and it really is a good game, but you will really have to learn the game and truly earn that unsatisfying ending. If I could go back, yeah, I probably would. Why? Well, because even though the ending wasn’t the best, that feeling of accomplishment was more than enough. Battletoads also showed me that you can accomplish anything as long as you try and never give up. That wasn’t a new concept but it was one of the first times that I actually saw it first hand.

So, did you play Battletoads? Love it? Hate it? Comment down below with your misery memories! Oh, and don’t forget to follow The Loot Gaming for all your gaming news, reviews and on the wonderful world of NES games!

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